As the parent of a type 1 diabetic teenager, life gets tough. Often. This damned disease throws a kink into every aspect of her life, and it radiates outward from there. She has to think about every morsel of food that goes into her mouth. It makes her think about testing every time she feels gross. It makes her worry that she's going to drop low during exercise -- or when she sleeps and might not feel it. It causes extra issues in the parent/kid relationship that would not be there if this disease hadn't come into our lives.
So is it any wonder our teens sometimes say "fuck it" and don't do what they need to do in order to stay healthy???
There's days I'm sick to death of dealing with this disease -- and it's not even my body going through the ups and downs.
Unfortunately, a quote from a type 1 in her early twenties, irritated me. It was: "you can't understand, but I do. Sometimes we just don't want to be diabetic." Sweetheart, you are so wrong if you think a parent doesn't understand much of what you go through.
My girly was 9 at diagnosis. She may not have fully understood the ramifications of having this disease then. Sometimes, I don't think she does, even now. She didn't understand how to care for it, make calculations for insulin with her meals, or how to make adjustments to basal insulin. She got to be a kid and this is the weight I carried and still do. Now, to me, the "mechanics", if you will, is the easy part of this disease. The emotional part?? Now that shit's hard.
I remember my daughter being afraid to come home from the hospital because she thought we couldn't care for her. I held her while she cried because she had to have her sweet, little fingers poked 4+ times a day. Occasionally, at the beginning, I had to hold her down while I gave insulin injections -- again, 4+ times a day (thank goodness for insulin pumps that minimize this). Cried in the bathroom when she began to resign herself to all the poking needed to keep her alive and healthy. Came home and was sick every morning for a month after taking her to school. Helped her when she was low. Made calculations to correct a high. Tested every two hours -- day and night -- during regular illnesses to keep blood sugar in check. Held her hair while she vomited violently from ketones, due to illness or a failed infusion site. Force fed her sugar during a stomach flu because her blood glucose was dropping. Have had to kick her ass multiple times to test, count her carbs correctly, deliver insulin through her pump. To please look after yourself so this damned disease doesn't win.
I'm here to tell you that the ONLY thing I don't understand is what it FEELS like to have this disease. I don't know what it feels like to have my blood sugar drop like a stone. I don't know what it feels like to have sky-high sugars that just will not respond to insulin. I don't know what ketones feel like. I don't know what it feels like to have to poke my fingers multiple times a day. I can tell you, though, I'd take this fucking disease into my body so she didn't have to deal with it. And I'd do it in a heartbeat, without a thought, because no child should have to realize at 9 years of age that they are NOT invincible. They shouldn't have to carry the weight of a chronic disease.
So, yes, parents of type 1 diabetics UNDERSTAND that some days you just don't want to be diabetic any more. We don't want you to be either.
#typeonediabetes
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